The Talk

The talk went as best as it could. It literally lasted for 5 minutes as she rushed out of our driveway after dropping my girl off to us for the weekend. Big Poppa came in and quickly gave me the thumb’s up sign as we greeted my girl and asked about her day. Five minutes later, he gets a phone call. It’s Gollum. Big Papa is saying a lot of “ok, right, uh huh.” He hangs up and makes a face. We go into the kitchen to talk and he tells me that when they spoke outside, Gollum agreed that we could keep my girl until 6PM on our weekends but she already has plans this Sunday and she’ll be picking my girl up at the normal time. Big Papa then says she called to tell him that it was her idea for my girl to stay later with us.

She literally called and said, “yeah, this was my idea because I told my girl she could stay at your house for some extra time on Sundays.” At first, I thought that she was pushing this as “her idea” because she wanted us to think she was being generous. That is part of it, I think, but most of all, she wanted us to know that we are getting this “extra” time because GOLLUM says that it is what SHE wants, not us. It didn’t matter that my girl wanted more time with us or that we were missing time with her because of the activities that Gollum planned for us….we were getting the extra time on Sundays because Gollum thought of it. Controlled it, allowed it.

I had to laugh when I realized her motive there. I’m sure sub-consciously (or consciously) she was letting us know that everything is still under her control. Big Papa mentioned that she said something to that effect in the driveway about it being “her idea” and he found it almost laughable that she felt the need to call 5 minutes later and drill home the fact that she thought of it.

You remember that my girl had told me that because we have so little time with her on our Tuesday’s that Gollum told her that she would be allowed to stay up later at our house on those nights? At that same time, my girl had also informed me that Gollum told her that she would be a allowed to stay at our house A WHOLE EXTRA HOUR on our Sunday’s. In the weeks that followed that conversation, Gollum never mentioned to us, the co-parents, that my girl would be allowed to stay at our house for another hour. Makes me think that this was said to appease my girl in that moment since we never heard about it until Big Papa had this talk with Gollum.

All in all, I have to say that I am so thankful for our extra time with my girl. Since then, we have also gotten an email about another Sunday that Gollum needs to have my girl early. And so it begins. The pull for more time at her mother’s house, the most important house. I can hardly wait for the holidays, can you?

Phone Calls & other news

Big Papa decided to rock the boat. After receiving advice from my bloggy friend, DragonFly Mama, and with the encouragement from both my mom and my sister, he made the call to Gollum. This call was also made due to Big Papa’s conversation with my girl. They went fishing together and he was asking her about all her activities and how she liked them. She told him that she no longer liked the choir she had joined. Now this choir is a pretty big deal – she was recommended by her music teacher at school, she auditioned and was accepted. They do concerts galore around Christmas and the spring break and even do some traveling.

My girl told Big Papa that she just needed “a one day break.” When a seven year old talks like this, I think it’s important to listen. She told us both that she wanted to quit but “mommy told me once I start something I have to finish it.” Which I agree with to a point… I am all for finishing what you start but you don’t sign a kid up for 4 major activities in addition to school and maintain that motto when the kid is telling you she is overwhelmed.

So Big Papa called. He spoke with Gollum calmly and told her what my girl had told him. He mentioned to her how concerned we were that this could be taking a toll on her and though she does have a lot of energy, it doesn’t mean that every minute needs to be planned. He mentioned that my girl felt like she needed a day off and wasn’t particularly enjoying choir. She came back and said that she would talk to my girl to see how she felt. So basically the final say and decision is still up to Gollum. I can only hope that Big Papa’s call will help her realize the pressure she is putting on my girl with all of these activities. I am proud of him; proud that he stepped up and is acting as a voice for my girl.

In other related news….Big Papa and I have had a lot of discussions around asking Gollum for more time with my girl since she has scheduled our Tuesday nights and Saturdays away. We normally drop my girl off to Gollum at 12Noon on Sundays on our weekends. Big Papa and I have been discussing the possibility of asking Gollum if we can keep my girl until dinner time on Sunday’s. I don’t think this request is unreasonable as most people who share custody each get a “full” weekend which includes the full day on Sunday. Big Papa is adamant that he does not want this to go to court so here’s hoping that Gollum agrees to this extra time.

We don’t want to pull the court card and remind her that, legally, we do not have to take my girl to the activities that Gollum schedules on our time. Big Papa plans to speak to her today, in person, when she drops my girl off for our weekend. Wish us luck…..