For many reasons, I would prefer for Gollum to communicate certain things with me directly. As much as I don’t want to speak with her or hear her voice, I am the primary scheduler/care-taker in our house. This has been a long standing issue since she refuses to do so. Another problem is that Big Papa blocks her out and doesn’t hear much of what she says and of what he does hear, he doesn’t remember. He usually likes to call me right after speaking to her and relay the information to me so that I am the one responsible for remembering what is going on. One weekend my girl was coughing worse than usual and was supposed to have 2 extra doses of her allergy medication for her cough. Guess who forgot to tell me this important little tidbit? Yup, Big Papa. I know this only because I mentioned to Gollum that I gave my girl some mild over-the-counter cough medicine and she chastised me, saying I needed to call the allergist before giving her something like that. Gollum said, smiling, that my girl was supposed to have 3 doses of her regular medicine and your husband “probably forgot to tell you.”
I still don’t know if she was trying, in her twisted way, to be nice for once? Was she laughing because he doesn’t remember anything? I wouldn’t think a mother would be laughing that her kid didn’t get the medicine she needed. But then why did she have the biggest smile on her face? I still don’t understand that one. Add it to the list.
This weekend I took my girl to a SPCA charity event which she LOVED but we missed her Saturday afternoon dance class. She had such an amazing time at the event, all she did was talk about it for the rest of the day and the next day. So I get a text this morning. FROM GOLLUM. Like I said, she rarely communicates anything to me. She knows that I am the one who takes my girl to dance class but I am wondering if she sent the same text to Big Papa as well. Hmmmmm. That would be typical.
The text from Gollum said that my girl told her that she missed dance class because of the “dog show” and “that is fine” (thanks for approving!) but I need to let her know before she misses a dance class so she can schedule a make-up class. First of all, I’m sure that my girl didn’t tell her this on her own; which confirms my fears and suspicions that my girl is grilled about her weekends with us. Second of all, we don’t need to tell her anything about our weekends. I can schedule a make-up class on our time if we chose too. Can I just mention that we missed her first softball game because Gollum screwed up the times this weekend? So when will she do a make-up for that missed game? The point is that it isn’t the make-up that is important; Gollum is trying to re-assert her control over my girl, me and our weekends. She doesn’t like the fact that my girl enjoyed an event that she went to with ME. It eats her up that it was me who took my girl to an event that left a lasting impression on her and was something that she and I together are passionate about doing. One of my best girlfriends, who is also a stepmom (and mommy to be!), advised me not to respond to that text. And pointed out that Gollum was desperately trying to put me “in my place” and it would bother her more if I don’t respond. I completely agree and will not be responding. If that discourages her from communicating with me at all about other important things, then so be it. Normally I would try to defend myself and respond that I would be scheduling a make-up class, but why? I did nothing wrong by spending quality time with my girl and teaching her about helping animals in need. I don’t need to defend myself. Gollum can go right ahead and try to assert control. She’s not getting it.
Klm Sitzplan
4 years ago
Are you married to my husband? That tuning out and forgetting thing annoys me to no end! I need to keep notes on what she says because she lies like crazy, and he forgets or tells me he wasn't paying attention. Grrrrhhhh.
ReplyDeleteGollum sounds like a real twat. Like the BM I deal with who is a major narcissist. Attempting to control what the child does while with the other parent is a big no-no, and it sounds like she has to assert her dominance because she is threatened by you. A mother who has a sound, intact bond with her child will not be threatened by a child loving someone else. Gollum probably doesn't have this, so this is why she reacts so strongly to things you do, and that you are in charge of things in your own house, and she isn't.
You're not supposed to have a life with the child that doesn't include her, and she's letting you know it.
Sweetness - Isn't it so frustrating?? Sometimes she'll email and I prefer that so we have record of that because she does that same as your BM and a lot of the time she switches things up and acts like that was the plan all along!
ReplyDeleteShe is DEFINITELY a narcissist. I so agree, other friends have said that - that she feels threatened by me in my girl's life & in the motherly role in our house and that is why she attempts to control so much and treat me so badly. The sad part is, eventually my girl will see that and if it continues, it will damage GOLLUM'S relationship with her and I don't want that to happen for my girl. My father was extremely controlling and I know how hard it is to try to maintain a relationship with someone like that.