Vacation?

What a week it was. Between the air conditioning breaking, the tired meltdowns, my father’s appearance at the house and a threadbare, buggy mattress, it was quite the week. I honestly can say that I needed a vacation from my vacation. And this past week did not provide that whatsoever. After finally getting caught up on laundry a week later, I am still dealing with issues at my job which happened will I was out. Needless to say, I am one stressed out stepmomma!

I have so much to write about that I honestly don’t know where to begin. If this post is a little all over the place, I apologize! The vacation had some good points. We did have the beach to relax on, I was able to read a few chapters of my book, and we had the luxury and privilege of being able to sleep in a bit and not go to work every day. The vacation was with my immediate family – my mother, father, 4 siblings, in addition to me, Big Papa, my girl. It’s nice to go away with my family because my girl loves them to pieces and has so much fun with all her aunts, uncles and grandparents that it also provides Big Papa and I with some extra time to relax that we wouldn’t have gotten if we went away with just the three of us. I am so thankful for my family.

With that being said, I do have a rocky relationship with my dad and so does every single person in my family. It was tough to have him there but it would have been tougher to tell him that we did not want him there. It was so hard to have to deal with him and watch my mom deal with him. All the while, we were already dealing with (3 different) maintenance people for the HVAC system in the home we rented, along with the cleaning people showing up on our doorstep at 10:30PM to argue with us because we called the home owner when I found a dead bug in the corner of my mattress. Sadly, my sister couldn’t handle it all and left with my brother (who had planned to leave because of work) halfway through the week.

It just seemed as though not many things went right that week. But as I said, we were still able to find some positive aspects and I know my girl thoroughly enjoyed herself. I had her call Gollum three times while we were there. Saturday, the day we arrived, as Gollum specifically requested that my girl call her, to let her know that she got there safely. I later found out that Gollum, on that first phone call, requested that my girl call a few other members of her family to let them know that we had gotten there safely. My girl never called and never told me that she was asked to call them so it ended up being a non-issue. It still strikes me as odd that this request was made when Gollum could’ve done the calling herself.

Here’s another ingredient to add to the mix: Big Papa’s business is big in the summer. It’s when most of our money is made to carry us through the entire year. We used to take my girl on vacation in late September so we could spend the entire week together. When Gollum told us what week we should go on vacation the year my girl started kindergarten, we had to put an end to our September trip. We did not take the week Gollum specified we should and didn’t get to take a vacation week at all that year.

Last year, before my girl started first grade, we did a week with my family as we did this year. It worked out well with one catch. Big Papa could only stay half the week. He is the owner of his business and didn’t have anyone else he could rely on to keep the business running smoothly for the whole week. So my girl stayed with me and my family.

When we made this plan last year and again for this year, it wasn’t even a second though for us that my girl would stay and get to have a full week’s vacation. Another stepmom friend of mine thought I was crazy to “put up” with this arrangement and for caring for my girl without Big Papa nearby. I’m absolutely certain that Gollum HATED this arrangement but didn’t want to seem like the bad guy yet again by making a big stink about it.

Last year it happened last minute that Big Papa had to leave and didn’t feel it was necessary to notify Gollum that he was leaving. Some of you stepmoms out there might think that this was a bad idea not to notify her. I felt that we should let her know in some way, but Big Papa has a more laid back attitude and just wanted my girl to have a good time and didn’t want to cut her week of vacation short. He didn’t see a problem with my girl staying with me and my family because we are so close knit that we are HER family and there’s no distinction made there at all. I feel like I am trying to explain the course of action we took last year, of lack thereof, because looking back, perhaps we should’ve notified Gollum. We didn’t feel the need to then so I don’t know why I feel the need to explain myself now. Of course, Gollum found a way to let us all know that she knew that he wasn’t there for half the week but I was thankful that she let it be at that.

This year I did insist that, in the email where we notified Gollum of our vacation week with my girl, we let her know that Big Papa would be there for half the week. I felt better about this approach and this is why I had my girl call Gollum this week so Gollum wouldn’t go through calling Big Papa’s phone and then having to call my phone if Big Papa wasn’t there with us. I also think that Gollum likes to think that my girl asked to call on her own. I’m sure she would be disappointed if she knew that it was me telling my girl that she should go and call her mom a few times and handing her the phone with the number already dialed.

I guess I figure that Gollum is going to call and interrupt our vacation time anyway, why not let it be on my terms and keep the peace in the meantime. I did hear my girl answering questions from Gollum about where Big Papa was and telling her that he left on such and such a day. I also heard the same answers to similar questions when I had my girl call her grandmother (Gollum’s mother who was worrying that we wouldn’t watch her in the ocean). Gollum kept my girl on the phone for 12 minutes on Thursday – my girl first spoke with Gollum then she also spoke to her stepdad and his son. Then she spoke to Gollum again. Most of the conversation had to do with their new dog, which I’ll get into on a separate post very soon. I don’t know why the length of the call bothered me a bit. Perhaps because when Big Papa and I call, we can’t talk for longer than 5 minutes with all the noise in the background.

It was interesting to me that while my girl was on the phone with her mother, my own mother turned to me and said, “this is just so weird. I forget that she has another family when she’s with us because you are such a great mom to her.” It means a lot to me that my family has accepted my girl and our situation so unconditionally, and with open arms, and sometimes I do forget about Gollum and her hatred for me but then I snap back to reality. My reality is that although it was a tough week for me, my girl had a great time at the beach, the shops, and the dolphin cruise while getting hugs and kisses and lots of love from her extended family. And I am officially exhausted.

More Vacation Time

Tomorrow we’re off to a beach location on the gorgeous east coast. My stomach is in knots and I have butterflies because I literally have so much more to do at home and work to prepare for this trip. Yet I am blogging; hoping this will calm me down. So much has happened lately. I will take the time to sit and blog when I return next weekend. Between animals and earrings, I don’t know where to begin. I posted the beginning part of the earring situation on a discussion board on Stepchicks and I was so encouraged at the responses telling me I did the right thing. The advice and support I received just warmed by heart.


Part of the reason for the butterflies is also the anticipation of calls and instruction and such that we will receive when going away for the week with my girl. I already was asked by my girl’s maternal grandmother, “You watch her when she’s in the ocean, right? I mean really watch her because she goes out all the way to her neck and you know….”

I think I sputtered out an answer about how there will be about 6 adults in addition to Big Papa and I, so yes, we’ll be watching her when she’s in the ocean. I know the woman is a worrier but good gracious.

I’m taking a half day to go work out and try to get the car packed up. If I don’t have a panic attack first. This week will definitely be worth it though. Hope the bloggy world doesn’t miss me too much :)

Vacation Time & Interruptions

My girl went on vacation this week with Gollum. We were told they were going to the beach, one about an hour from our house. At the beginning of the summer we were told that Gollum didn’t have any vacations planned for this year, but, of course, she is allowed to change her mind on this topic.

Gollum took her 2 weeks with my girl last year to various shore points near us and, from the sounds of it, my girl enjoyed her time there. We took a vacation last year to a different beach, more than a few hours away and my girl just loved it so much. We went with my whole family and it was just the most amazing week. My girl cried uncontrollably when we dropped her off to Gollum on the last day of the trip. She wanted her Aunt S-Pop and she didn’t want the week to be over. Gollum was none too pleased that my girl was crying at the prospect of ending a week with us.

This year we are again taking a trip to the previous year’s vacation spot. We sent an email letting her know and promised to work out some of the details (pick-up spots and time, etc.) once the trip got closer. A week or so later, Big Papa gets a text and then we receive an email that Gollum was taking my girl on a week’s vacation to the shore point closest to our town.

Now, it is stated in the custody agreement that each parent must give the other parent a thirty day written notice when taking my girl on any week-long vacation. When Big Papa and I were in the first year or so of dating, we decided to take my girl on a week’s vacation together, our first trip together and our first trip with my girl. Big Papa mentioned this verbally to Gollum but cut it quite close on giving the thirty day written notice (this was before I was involved in any of the communication).

We were harassed by Gollum AND by her mother to give that thirty days notice and an address of where we were staying. My girl was still quite young at this point so I could completely understand the worry of a mother sending her child on a trip without her, and one which also involved flying on a plane. This, however, does not warrant all the angry pointing to the court documents and the pressure we received. I mention all this because this year, for Gollum’s shore vacation, we received 2 weeks written notice that Gollum would be taking my girl on a trip. A trip that interrupted our weekend with the girl.

We decided to be kind and flexible and allow this without a battle, putting the past aside. We have missed my girl very much this week and before she left, she was also upset at the prospect of losing the half of the weekend with us as well as her time during the week at our home.

We decided to call my girl together last night. She answered Gollum’s cell phone and spoke for a few minutes with Big Papa. He ended up repeating almost everything he said and raised his voice a few octaves at times. When the phone was handed to me, I was so excited to speak to her and began answering her questions about our upcoming vacation and telling her about the happenings of our home and asking about her vacation that she was currently enjoying.

As I spoke, the noise level in the background became increasingly higher. I heard several people yelling and laughing. My girl repeatedly had to ask me what I said as she couldn’t hear with all the commotion in the background. I could barely hear her so I knew she was having a harder time hearing me. Through all of this, I could hear Gollum’s voice almost as clear as my girl’s, so I gathered that she was right next to her throughout our entire five minute phone call. Several times, my girl stopped to speak to her mother – to tell her something I had just said about our plans or to answer her mother’s questions.

Gollum calls 2-3 times while we take our week’s vacation and she asks my girl to call her as well. I think Gollum would like to speak to my girl every day but doesn’t want to seem too needy to us. She would much rather that my girl stopped what she was doing with us each day to call her. Luckily, my girl is still at the age where she forgets to do such things and doesn’t quite understand her mother’s need to be a part of and dominate every aspect of her little life.

I guess five minutes of peace and quiet was too much to ask for on this vacation. Maybe next time.