A Letter to Big Papa

I want to preface this by saying that I love you very much. More than anyone. I need you to hear me out on this one. I need you to know that you’re letting her affect our relationship by not sticking up for me and stopping this ridiculousness. You should know by now that she nitpicks on any little thing that I do or say. Last night you were spouting off to me what I know she just said to you (about the prescription being someone else’s blah blah blah) and it really pissed me off and hurt me that you didn’t give me the benefit of the doubt. Like I said, I wouldn’t give someone else my prescription and told my girl she needed something like that from her allergy/asthma doctor. It’s funny how she forgets a little incident a few years ago when Gollum gave my girl someone else’s prescription and we have written documentation saying so. And to top it off, she was using someone else’s prescription ON HER SKIN. Remember that? Think about that before you tell me “it’s a problem if you did that” because of what she put in your head.

The reason you have this idea in your head that I get upset whenever you tell me something about her or when you tell me when she calls or whatever is because most of the time when she calls it is something negative toward me. You don’t understand why I get upset because it’s not quite directed at you. You think I make stuff up in my head – you need to remember that she would be a whole lot happier if I was gone and remember that when dealing with her and looking at the stuff she says and does. I get upset because the negative stuff is directed at me, through you and you don’t see it. You think everything is fine and “I’m just telling you what she told me” like you have nothing to do with it and you’re her little messenger boy. It’s like you don’t care how much it upsets me and hurts me. And on top of it all, it feels like you reward her bad behavior by taking her calls at 10PM when you had just 40min earlier asked me if it was too late to call someone. Hmmm. 10PM IS too late to call but not if you’re good old Gollum with a vendetta!
Also, at Easter, (details to come….)one of the problems I had with the whole conversation was that she completely pulled the rug out from under us and changed the plan and I heard you say thank you like 3 times and “awesome, great, thanks!” Really, I have no problem with you thanking her for giving us time with my girl but the problem I have and why I got upset was that she changed it all around (as she usually does when the original plan doesn’t suit her at that exact moment) and you are sitting there acting like it is fine and AWESOME that she did that. I just have a hard time processing that you can still act like she was doing something that was OK. The reason it wasn’t ok was because my girl was affected by it – she thought we weren’t there for her because of what Gollum chose to do.

I feel like I am fighting for my life here and fighting for my spot in this family. I feel like you don’t understand (which I have told you that I realize that you can’t understand my position as a stepmom) but even more so I feel like you don’t even care to understand where I am coming from. We have a great relationship but if you keep allowing her to dictate what happens in our home with my girl, these little squabbles here and there will turn into something bigger and counseling will be needed. I realize that your hands are tied and you don’t want to damage the relationship with Gollum for my girl’s sake. I get that. Know that I understand that completely. However, there is something great about BOUNDARIES and remembering the person who always has your back and wouldn’t let anyone treat you the way she is treating me. Right, “what do you want me to do??” is always your response. Read above – I don’t need a crusade on my behalf, I just want you to sit back and realize that you need to approach this differently because the current way isn’t working. You need to be able to tell me when she calls and what she says in regards to my girl and issues and whatever but I can’t just have you drop it on my lap like you do and expect me not to get upset when it negatively affects me or you or my girl. We need to work on a different approach together because I am at the end here – I can’t operate this way for much longer. Seven years is a long time to be dumped on and beat up and treated like less than a human being and less than an active participant in my girl’s life. I’ll try to equate this to a situation that, hopefully, you can understand. If you had to deal with your former friends, Tweedle-dee and Tweedle-dum every day of your life for the next 20 years, it would make you upset too. What if both of these losers called me or did something through me at least once a week to try and undermine you, your credibility and our relationship? I know for a fact that you would have a problem with it. Because they aren’t good people either and when they have done stupid stuff and said mean things about you - I have heard about it. And that is fine and natural to vent about someone that has wronged you. Just don’t get mad at me when I do it. I truly don’t mean to take it out on you but sometimes I do get mad at you for allowing the crap that she pulls so I do take it out on you. Because you don’t see the problem and that SUCKS for me.

I just want you to have my back when it comes to this. I hope that is not too much to ask. Like I said, I'm suggesting counseling for us if something doesn't drastically change here. I don't know how else to make you hear me and understand. It’s really not that hard - don't doubt me, have my back, don't take all her calls (especially late ones like last night), remember that she is a demented, insecure and evil creature that will stop at nothing to try to destroy our family. Don’t underestimate her. You forget how deeply she hurt you and how viciously she is trying to do the same to us.